How to Rebuild your Identity and Confidence to Perform at Your Highest Potential Again After a Toxic Relationship or Relationship Breakup

Approaches You’ve Been Trying That’s Not Working

Let me discuss some of them and why these approaches haven’t worked so well for you.

Approach 1 – You attend therapy with a view to get your life together and get back on your goals: You do this cause you want to heal and get over what you have been through. Fact is therapy is a powerful medically prescribed treatment for dealing with negative emotions, traumas, and the likes of anxiety and depression. But while therapy is key to dealing with past traumas & depression and is powerful for dealing with the PAST and overcoming mental health challenges, it is not designed for the purpose of inspiring, supporting and helping you be accountable to be your best self or meet your future goals. This next step of being empowered to get unstuck, get back on your goals and close the gap between your potential and how things are currently, with support and accountability is what coaching is for. That is why therapy is not ideal for this aspect.

Approach 2 – You practice affirmations and listen to motivational podcasts: You do this cause affirmations are easy to do, and podcasts are inspiring. They boost your positivity and help you with giving yourself the ‘pep talk’. But while positivity is good, it should not be confused with solving the problem. ‘Pep talk’ only goes so far. It is like telling an ant to push against an elephant; if the issue is that big, all the motivation and psyching yourself up is not going to help but rather hurt and limit. After all the motivation and euphoria, you will still need the clarity, tools, support and accountability to navigate your thoughts and feelings, rebuild your sense of identity, and build back your confidence to take actionable steps forward.

Approach 3 – You act in denial and carry on like nothing has happened: This is the default approach for many ambitious leaders, professionals and entrepreneurs. They carry on like all is okay, stay busy, put on a brave face & do other things to give them reassurance that there is nothing wrong, which hopefully gives some comfort. You do this cause it can appear easier than facing the failure, loss or disappointment already making you question your character, goals and sanity. But here is the thing – You can distract yourself for so long. The issue will still be there. Denying and glossing over unresolved emotions without pausing to reflect, restrategise and recaliberate can actually lead to self sabotage, depression and mental health issues. 

There is a better strategy that will get you better results and healing, and I am going to share it.

The Solution You Really Need

To overcome the negative thoughts and emotions you are going through right now, rebuild your sense of identity and build back your confidence to go after the goals you want – whether that be going up the career ladder, starting a new loving relationship, building a business or other, you will need a BOUNCE BACK SYSTEM.

I am going to teach you my unique 7-step Reset to Thrive framework,…. and I am REALLY GOING TO BREAK IT DOWN for you to make it clear for you.

STEP 1 – Understand your WHY & Rebuild your Vision : This is the first and most critical step in the process that sets the pace for your recovery. You have to create a clear mental picture of the person you are capable of becoming, and clearly articulate WHY your personal vision is important to you. What you’ve been through has likely thrown you off course and made you lose sight of who you are, your life vision and purpose. Creating a new vision for yourself will help you picture and bring your amazingness to life, while your WHY will motivate you and be the driving force to stop you from giving up. 

STEP 2 – Embrace your Journey & Story: It is important that you explore your pain, capture the lessons and reframe your story, though this can seem daunting to do at first. You see when things go wrong, it is very easy to get lost in your head and in what has happened to you. Feelings of inadequacy and self judgement often come from our sense of discomfort with our stories, our perception of failure, and our inability to accept them. When you embrace your journey & story and overcome the negative emotions associated with them, it helps release you from the pains and influences of your past experiences, and puts you in a good place to move forward more easily with focus, and without the negative emotions attached to the pain or failure.

STEP 3 – Reclaim your Identity & Sense of Worth: This is about you reconnecting with who you are, rebuilding the perception you have of yourself, and taking back your sense of worth. How you perceive yourself is more important than what other people think about you and is fundamental for your wellbeing, confidence and ability to thrive. When you recover your identity and rebuild your self image, your feelings of inadequacy disappear, you have a clear mental picture of how amazing you are, and your self esteem will be boosted, which collectively help you stay mentally and emotionally healthy.

STEP 4 – Rebuild your Confidence to Perform: Confidence is everything. Without it, you will struggle to show up and perform as the person/ leader you know you are deep down inside you, even when you have the ability to get a job done. You have to rebuild your self belief system which involves being vulnerable and owning your personal power.  When you rebuild your confidence, you build back your capacity to perform at the top of your game such that you don’t question yourself all the time, feel like a fraud at work or feel inadequate because of people’s opinions of you. 

STEP 5 – Manage your Energy & Be Highly Productive: What you’ve been through makes you feel you feel stuck, overwhelmed,and low on energy and motivation. It comes with the territory. So this step is about helping you manage your energy and productivity so you know the habits that help you perform at your highest potential. Your self awareness of how you work best, and application of your productivity habits will help ensure that you don’t run low on energy and motivation but rather increase your ability to stay highly productive and moving forward. It will even more help you get yourself unstuck when you are feeling mentally affected or exhausted.

STEP 6 – Celebrate Yourself: You’ve come a long way on this journey. You’ve made huge progress, grown and rediscovered yourself. In the past you’ve been used to achieving goals and swiftly moving onto the next without pausing to recognise your wins. This phase is about recognising your progress, showing yourself appreciation and affirming your worth and awesomeness. When you celebrate yourself, you teach yourself to be kind to yourself and to show yourself love. When you love yourself, you will teach others how to love and treat you.

STEP 7 – Apply your growth & Scale your success: Now you’ve rediscovered yourself, it’s time to apply your renewed self belief system to build momentum and rebuild your life with focus, consistency and support. So let’s get you into the consistent habit of taking action and winning. The more you win, the more you win. The more you apply yourself and your belief system and see results, the more consistent and motivated you will be to keep showing up and performing as the person/leader you truly are.

These are the 7 steps of my Reset to Thrive framework